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Interreligious Relationship Support Group

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Atheist/Christian relationship [06 Jan 2014|11:19pm]
I have become very close friends with a devout Christian girl, for the past couple of months she has been on my mind the majority of the time, we both have very strong feelings for one another are both desperate to commit to the next step of being in an 'official' relationship. I was also brought up a Christian/Catholic, I have been in a catholic school for 16 years (3-19) been baptized, received first holy communion and I have a Christian mother but I slowly started loosing my faith during secondary school until it was completely lost at the age of 16. Because I am no longer a Christian her faith won't allow her to enter a relationship with me as she says "Every relationship I have must be open to marriage, and I cannot enter a relationship with an atheist, I have been brought up to believe that marriage should revolve around God....I am making a commitment to God"

I have been going through a rough period over the past month or so, my Doctor has diagnosed me with GAD (General anxiety Disorder) and I have been given medication for this and will be starting cognitive behavior therapy over the coming months. I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that this girl (who I care about very much and vice verse) is more than likely the main trigger for this. More than anything I would love to be a Christian again, I love the faith, the community spirit, the people, the passion, the hope that comes with it and the girl who I could spend the rest of my life with, but I simply have no faith what so ever and no matter how hard I try to believe in God and religion I am unable to, I feel as if I am kidding myself and trying to cheat my mind into thinking something for my own personal comfort and desires. I am a man of science and lateral thinking with a hole in my soul that needs filling but I cannot choose to believe in something that I do not believe in. This evening I have decided to try and resist making contact with this girl for a while until I can clearly see what needs to be done (I have told her that I need some space because of my anxiety and she understands this). Maybe the emotional attachment I have for her along with my GAD and yearning for religion may fade the longer I refrain from making contact with her, in this case all my problems are miraculously solved, but this seems like wishful thinking and remains to be seen. Even if this does go away, a yearning for religion and GAD are both issues that are likely to come back repetitively throughout my life as I am still very young (not yet 20).

Any advice on the situation would be hugely appreciated or anyone who is going or has gone though similar problems it would very comforting to hear from you. Even writing about helps, talking about it to anyone would be hugely warming.
7 comments|post comment

Christian/Atheist Chemistry [09 Sep 2013|03:21pm]
Over the past several years I have become very good friends with a Christian woman - an amazing Christian woman. We have mutual feelings toward each other and both desire a relationship with the other and there is amazing chemistry. Her beliefs, however, won't allow it. I grew up a Christian and lifestyle closely resembles that of a Christian so much so, in fact, that people generally will assume that I am a Christian.

Here is my query.

I am considering choosing the role of a Christian man in order to have her as my own. I can't foresee letting the opportunity to have such an amazing relationship slip away when all that would be required of myself is to play a role I already know and can play sufficiently. I will attempt to believe if it is within me , though I can't foresee that happening. If it fails I could simply go back to me as I am today. Would anyone else do the same or even consider doing the same? Should I or should I not? I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but I have to consider all of my options because this woman has a serious hold on me.
4 comments|post comment

Atheist/ Christian relationship. [04 Sep 2013|08:47pm]
I am an atheist and have been for a long time and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years is a christian. She says that if I can't convert then we are done. I really love this girl though. We've talked marriage, kids, our future, everything. She knows I don't mind her being christian or raising our kids that way, but she says she can't be with me unless I convert, but as any atheist knows it's not really a decision. What can I do? Any help is greatly appreciated.
3 comments|post comment

Chrsitian/Atheist Relationship [23 Jan 2013|12:07pm]
I am Christian and my boyfriend is Atheist. We have sat down and talked about our difference, we respect each others beliefs but the problem is my family. They are very strict Baptist and every time I talk to them lecture me about the choices I am making because I am with him and cannot understand why I will never pressure him or try to convert him. My family have decided to get involved and try to break us up because they fear I will convert because I don't practice how they want me too. This is now causing problems because we want to move in together. And others like he is now not welcomed in my parents house. My boyfriend even said that if it gets so bad he will "pretend" to be religious around them so we can be happy together. Any advice on how to get my family to accept him or just leave it alone?!?!? I don't want to have to choose between them....
3 comments|post comment

I NEED RELATIONSHIP HELP PLEASE!!! (Im a chritian dating an agnostic) [08 Nov 2012|05:05pm]
Hi!  I saw this online community and other peoples stories of how they are navigating this tough situation and figured i should should try to get on here and see if anyone could help me, honestly i dont really know where to turn.  My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 4 years and we both feel that we want to be with eachother for the rest of our lives and we love eachother very much.  Financially though we arn't ready for marriage, I don't even have to money to move in with him yet.  And the problem is that he feels because we have reached the commitment level of marriage we should have sex.  I want to wait since im christian, he understands this but at the same time he doesnt because of his beliefs and they way he was raised, he sees marriage as just the legal side and i of course see it a commitment to God as well.  I also believe that there is a good reason for that rule, even if remains not completely seen because i have faith.  But this whole concept is not clear to him because of his past.  Now because ive said no he feels like i don't love him as much as he loves me.  I told him thats not true at all and he still doesn't believe me.  From what he knows sex is the only way to show that so i don't know how to show him I love him that much without compromising my beliefs. What should I do to get him to believe me?
10 comments|post comment

Another Muslim-Christian Relationship! [24 Feb 2012|01:16am]

Hey! My name is Liz. My story's under the cut because of length. I'm glad I found a group like this on Livejournal!

Read my story here, since it's a little long...Collapse )
5 comments|post comment

Christian - Jehovah Witness (Can they co-exist in a relationship?) [11 Dec 2011|01:43pm]
I am a Christian who has in a relationship with a Jehova Witness. As some may know they have a very unorthodox religion. I had no issues with his believes up until the time of my birthday when he treated it as if it were just another day.  I've always celebrated my birthday and so this hurt me very much and I was quite upset. They do not vote, they do not celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas nor Valentines Day and to be honest with you the reasoning he gave me as to why they don't logically to me don't make any sense. I respect his believes but I do not share them. Can two different religions intertwine? The relationship you have with God is a spiritual and personal one and you should not have to compromise it to be with someone. To me you both can respect each other and have a discussion on this topic since it is very important to both of you and how you would like the relationship to go. I love him very much and I really don't want to see the relationship end over this. We have not spoken in about a week as we had a major argument over it. Somtimes religion can be divisive and I know what it is like to love someone unconditionally. JWs consider themselves to be christians but their believes are very much different. What is your take on this?
17 comments|post comment

interreligious relationship [06 Aug 2010|06:47pm]
Hi I'm an orthodox christian and I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly two years now. She is a baptised catholic but only by name and she is not religious at all. I love her so much. With everything I have. But for me to marry her, I would like her to become an orthodox christian and a bit more religious...but i dont want her to become religious for me, I want her to do it for herself. She told me that she's not ready for religion at the moment and she's scared to try because if she doesn't like it she fears (and so do I) that it will be the end of our relationship. This problem has made me feel very insecure about our relationship together and I keep worrying that she might leave me even though she loves me and cares for me very much. Does anyone have advice?
16 comments|post comment

ending pre-marital sex [08 Jan 2010|07:28pm]

Hi, I just joined. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We've been sexually active throughout the majority of our relationship, with promises of love, living together, and marriage. I go away for college, so I only see him every two weekends or so and talk on the phone... but this has been one hell of a winter break!! We are waiting for after my graduation in May for the real engagement.

He has gone soul searching for a few months, which was not easy to stick through because I wasn't sure how things were going to change, but he has kept me in mind throughout all of the decision-making. I went to a Protestant church when i was very young, but never understood why i was there, so i stopped going. Since then, I've been considered Atheist or Agnostic I suppose, but I'm still interested in knowing and understanding.

This past week he found the right faith and church for him. Orthodox Christian. I am so excited for his happiness but i just recently discovered that this change in faith also changes the sexual dynamics of our relationship. This hurts me so much, sex was what ultimately made me feel affectionate, attractive, and loved. He lead me to believe that our sexuality and attraction to one another was very important for our relationship. I feel like I've been twisted all around, but i still really do understand why this is so important to him. He said that he wants me to do this right, also, so we will be together celestially... if that's the word.

None of my friends fully support me as they think this is unfair to me, or I'm just not hearing what I want to hear. I don't think they fully understand his beliefs and why ending pre-marital sex (even thoughts) is so important to him, nor do they understand how much I really do love him. I'm absolutely not willing to leave him for this reason. So what I'm really looking for here are some words of support, even if you don't know me and i don't know you, it would mean so much to me... I need a reminder that I can be patient, and this will benefit me despite my non-religious beliefs. Help me tie a ribbon around my finger until it is replaced by a wedding band. Or should I literally do that?
thank you!
11 comments|post comment

Hello! [10 Nov 2009|11:33am]

[ mood | worried ]

I am entirely new to this community but I am so glad I found it seeing as I've a problem no one around me seems to be able to help me with.

Religion is killing my relationship.

I love my boyfriend quite a bit, and we went through hell to be together. But right after we decided to make our relationship official, him, feeling lost and confused due to all the issues he went through during the summer, joined a very devout group of practicing Christians. He went from being an atheist/agnostic who was entirely philosophical in his view of the world, and accepting, to going to church 3 to 4 times a week, studying nonstop from a Bible, quoting scripture at me, praying constantly...

I am a person who believes there is magic in this world, something beyond human hands. I do NOT believe in a god however, nor do I believe in Christianity in the least. if anything I am pagan.

Here is where I get lost. I don't know if what my boyfriend is going through right now is a bit like a phase. Such as, he may remain Christian for the rest of his time on this earth, which doesn't bother me so much, but it'll be less "everything his is". Maybe right now it's just so new and his friends are so devout that it's consuming him and soon it'll die down a little? Or is this a forever, obsessive thing?

We are perfectly fine together except when it comes to the topic of religion. Then we break down and argue because neither one of us understands the other. When I try to ignore that he is Christian and try to focus on the fact that he is more than that, that he is the man I love, he becomes angry that I seem so passive and that I'm shutting him out...but when I focus on it, he says I just snap at him and belittle him. Can I win?

I can't convert. Ever. My past and beliefs will not allow that kind of compromise. And neither can he go back to disbelief and skepticism. In this issue, me and my boyfriend find ourselves entirely at an impasse. Is there a way beyond this? Is there a way to come together despite this divide? Or will this be our breaking point?

Thank you, any and all of you, for any help you can provide. I'm just so confused and hurt right now. Any advice on how we can get beyond this is appreciated. I don't want to give up...but if there is no alternative...


6 comments|post comment

The mom is here :) [30 Aug 2009|05:10pm]

Hey everyone I am new to this community.  I am an american non practicing christian of sorts dating a non practicing muslim man.  Things have been great so far, we are in love and he is an extrememely thoughtful and respectful.  The issue is we have been spending LOTS of time together, pretty much everyday we have off and taking turns at eachothers house when we are working.  A week ago his mom arrived from over seas and things have drastically changed.  He does not go out and goes directly home after work.  I realize he has not seen his mom in 4 years and she has no one else here so obviosly he will be spending a lot of time with her so I am trying my best not to feel neglected.  He does want me to meet her and I am extremely nervous about it, he says he doesn't care if she likes me, which leads me to believe it is a distinct possibility.  Any advice on how I should handle this meeting, she doesn't speak english so it should be interesting.  Should I expect that he still spends time with me too?  We work together so he seems to think that will do that we see eachother there.  She is going to be here 3 months, help!?
3 comments|post comment

[21 Apr 2009|05:59pm]

So i am a devout Catholic, and have been going out with a devout Muslim for a little over a year. Since the beginning i have made sure he was serious about our relationship, and so far he has. I have on numerous cases made it clear to him that having an inter-religious relationship is harder than others. He has made it clear that he believes inter-religious relationships work, and in fact can be good for a more tolerant society. A few days ago when he said that he would prefer to be with someone who is his own religion. I am absolutely shocked, and did not see this coming. We are still talking everything over and trying to salvage our relationship, but i don't see it continuing because he has made his decision. Has anyone been through something like this, and also is there anyone who is in a Catholic, Muslim relationship and has made it work? I don't want to convert, and neither does he. I know relationships are about compromise, but i don't feel like i can compromise my religion, but i would never want him to compromise what he believes in either.
2 comments|post comment

Book on Family Relationships and Disaffection? [22 Mar 2009|09:56am]

I seem to remember reading a response to a post...maybe about a year ago.  The poster indicated that s/he had published a book on how to maintain relationships with devout parents when either negotiating or disaffecting from the faith you were raised in.  Does anyone know what this book is?  Any similar books that you are aware of?

Thanks :)
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Torn - Jewish in a longterm relationship with a Christian, complicated. [02 Feb 2009|06:39pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Hi, this will be my first post to this group.  I'm in need of some support, or advice. 
So here's my story:
I am twenty-one years old.  I come from an interfaith family, my mom is a religious Roman-Catholic, my dad is a not so religious Jew. 
My whole life, I wanted to be Jewish, but my parents wouldn't hear of it, because they had made the agreement that all of their kids would be raised Roman Catholic.  When I was 18, I was finally allowed to go to synagogue and I have been living a Jewish life ever since.  I am in the middle of converting formally.  
About a year and a half ago, I met and accidentally fell in love with a religious Christian.  I agreed to date him at the time, with the condition that all of our children would be raised Jewish, and not Christian.  We are still dating, and are very much in love.  
The problem is, the branch of Judaism I want to be in will not accept our relationship.  Or the children of our relationship.  In fact, if I marry him they will not accept me, either.  And I myself feel that what I am doing is very wrong.  It is tearing me apart inside.  I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about it, during which he backpedaled and said he would not support having our children go to a Jewish school.  He also said that since Christmas and Easter have been secularized, our children should be able to celebrate it.  He knows I do not want our children to celebrate Christian holidays, or not go to a Jewish school, and I don't know what else he will change his mind about now.  I'm torn in two, and have been crying and praying a lot.  I don't know how to make this work anymore, I love my boy friend, but I don't want to give up my religion, my dreams, myself.
To make matters worse, he is very dependent on me, he has severe OCD, panic disorder, epilepsy, Turrets, ADHD, Depression, Social and General Anxiety, and probably some others I can't think of off the top of my head.  He is legally disabled.  And I have just recovered from Depression and PsyNOS, that comes and goes throughout my life.  We understand each other on so many levels, are compatible on so many levels, and are so very much in love with each other.  But the difference in religion is so hard on me, I don't know what to do.  

9 comments|post comment

Bored at work so you get an intro:P [28 Jan 2009|03:49pm]

[ mood | tired ]

Hello. I don't really consider myself new since I have been watching this community for a year or two. But I realized today that I never joined, so here I am.

I am Norwegian, which means on paper I am lutheran (85% of population registered in the State church) but I am part of the 74% of the population that is only in the church because it is a cultural thing and does not believe in the slightest:P Husband (of 1.3 years) is Jehovas witness. After being long distance for most of our pre-married days hubby moved from America to Norway to live with me right after the wedding.

I started watching this community in early 2007 when we were recently engaged to see what I was getting myself into, and I only found one post relevant to me and the comments all said 'run run run as fast as you can':P It did freak me out a bit but here we are. Of course, we have not had any kids yet, and I think that most of our issues will be (raising) kids-related. Still don't know if we are having any, it will be a lot easier to not.

Hubby went to church as a kid but stopped going in late teens. When he moved to Norway he started attending here and aside from the neverending question 'where is your wife/when is your wife coming?' there's been no issues/fights. He also have bible studies at home which was totally new (and strange) to me but it works. His family has always loved me, but it has taken my family some time to accept that he won't come to any christmas or holiday celebrations. To quote grandma - 'he is married to you and need to stop that shit'.

One of the biggest issues we've faced is the abortion one. He is very pro-life and I am very opposite. We've settled on 'the baby goes if it is trying to harm/kill you (meaning me, the mother)'.

I wanted to post this for people who are in my situation (or similar). So far the 'run run run away fast' was unnecessary.

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Russian Spam [26 Jan 2009|10:38pm]

Sorry for those of you who had Russian spam on your friendlists for a while today. The entry has been marked as spam, deleted and the user who posted it has had membership stripped and been banned from the community. The same will happen to anyone else who posts spam in the future. (And yeah, I know it's probably just a bot, but still)
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[20 Jan 2009|09:51pm]

So I've been Jewish for a little under a year now. The rest of my family is Christian, in one branch or another.

Thing is, I'm getting married. Fiance is also a Jew, so the ceremony will of course be Jewish.

My extended family does not know I am Jewish because we don't talk that often, but they will be invited to the wedding. So what's the proper protocol? Surprise them with their first Jewish wedding? Include a note in the invites? Send them a "BTW, I'm Jewish now" note?

I'm a little worried as to how some might react, and don't know if I should tell them now or let them find out. Thankfully, I don't think any of them would ruin the night if they found out at the wedding, but what is etiquette here?!

xposted to jbcs.
6 comments|post comment

Wicca? [25 Nov 2008|09:24am]

[ mood | confused ]

I believe in Fate, although perhaps thats not the best word for it, I believe that Fate knows our path and helps us along this path to whatever it is we are meant to do in our lives. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that Fate works in very mysterious ways.

I'm becoming unhappy with calling myself an atheist, I want to find a religion or spirtuality that I fit into. I think perhaps Wicca, Dianic perhaps, would be the best for me, however, I would want to be solitary and am not sure as of yet about practicing spell casting.

I am unsure of my spirituality right now, and I wonder if anyone can give me advice

-Wondering Wonderwall

3 comments|post comment

[24 Nov 2008|03:02pm]


You're going to hate me forever, y/y?

I'm in this Psychology of Religion class and a paper was assigned where we have to interview a convert. This individual needs to have converted from Religion A to Religion B! So, if any of you have experienced this -- could you please comment here (if possible, with a means in which I could contact you)?

Thank you ^_^~!

Edit for clarity: I'm posting this here because I heard that some individuals convert for marriage purposes and I figured it would be an interesting perspective to explore and learn about. I hope I didn't get on anyone's nerves D;.
7 comments|post comment

Ug [24 Nov 2008|11:54am]

Okay, guys, so how do you split non-religious holidays?

While I am Jewish now, like my boyfriend, my family is Christian. So it makes sense to do Hanukkah with his folks and Christmas (nonreligiously) with mine. But we are stuck on Thanksgiving. It's something of a tradition for him to be with his mom that day (his dad travels for work a lot and boyfriend always made time to travel to her). We don't really do anything for July 4th or Veteran's Day or what have you because those aren't major holidays and I generally don't get them off of work. It's kind of frustrating because I feel that I have a right to have him with me, with my family, for a Thanksgiving or two.

How do you guys do it?
19 comments|post comment

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