akeath (akeath) wrote in interfaithunion,
akeath
akeath
interfaithunion

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Torn - Jewish in a longterm relationship with a Christian, complicated.

Hi, this will be my first post to this group.  I'm in need of some support, or advice. 
So here's my story:
I am twenty-one years old.  I come from an interfaith family, my mom is a religious Roman-Catholic, my dad is a not so religious Jew. 
My whole life, I wanted to be Jewish, but my parents wouldn't hear of it, because they had made the agreement that all of their kids would be raised Roman Catholic.  When I was 18, I was finally allowed to go to synagogue and I have been living a Jewish life ever since.  I am in the middle of converting formally.  
About a year and a half ago, I met and accidentally fell in love with a religious Christian.  I agreed to date him at the time, with the condition that all of our children would be raised Jewish, and not Christian.  We are still dating, and are very much in love.  
The problem is, the branch of Judaism I want to be in will not accept our relationship.  Or the children of our relationship.  In fact, if I marry him they will not accept me, either.  And I myself feel that what I am doing is very wrong.  It is tearing me apart inside.  I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about it, during which he backpedaled and said he would not support having our children go to a Jewish school.  He also said that since Christmas and Easter have been secularized, our children should be able to celebrate it.  He knows I do not want our children to celebrate Christian holidays, or not go to a Jewish school, and I don't know what else he will change his mind about now.  I'm torn in two, and have been crying and praying a lot.  I don't know how to make this work anymore, I love my boy friend, but I don't want to give up my religion, my dreams, myself.
To make matters worse, he is very dependent on me, he has severe OCD, panic disorder, epilepsy, Turrets, ADHD, Depression, Social and General Anxiety, and probably some others I can't think of off the top of my head.  He is legally disabled.  And I have just recovered from Depression and PsyNOS, that comes and goes throughout my life.  We understand each other on so many levels, are compatible on so many levels, and are so very much in love with each other.  But the difference in religion is so hard on me, I don't know what to do.  
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